Thursday, November 4, 2010

Who am I?

I have been thinking about the lack of depth to characters I write. Like I have been considering this story in my head for a couple weeks, and the characters are a bit of a blur. They don't stand out to me - it is the actions and the circumstances that interest me (I suppose that is a good thing, at least). Then I started to think about how I view people, in this sort of mish-mash way of the things they do and their circumstances in life. And those things can be interesting, but that is not what makes people human.

In my 50 pages of story that I was writing before, there was crying on almost every other page. It's because that is how I experience, exult, and joy in sadness. To me, sadness is beautifully experienced by crying. But people experience sadness a variety of ways.

I guess I think it is important that I understand what my traits are, who I am as a character in the story of my own life, so I can see when I am falling into the pattern of seeing everyone as I see myself. I want to love these people, love them for their weaknesses, and their strengths that can inspire me, and I think that begins with the journey of understanding myself, and taking time to see people around me in a different way.

I like to relate people to me. I think it tends to make me pretty empathetic, with a few exceptions, but I try to consider myself in the situations others are in, doing the things they are doing, and following the thoughts and feelings that would lead them to be that way, and I see myself in people, and I see them in me. I see how I could potentially react that way, how I would feel if I was going through that.

But I want to see how they are not me. I do this most often with my parents, because it is a relationship that is most surrounded by a natural inequality, difference, separation of understanding. I think I will be surprised and inspired by what I see. People are amazing.