Saturday, March 10, 2012

I could live a thousand years, but still there would be nothing but today

There is nothing but today.

That is what the hardest parts of my life taught me, as I came out of them, having looked perpetually to the future, to eternity, or later points in my life, all the while not realizing how I wasted the one thing I actually had.

It doesn't matter what you believe. All you have is today. Even if I live another thousand years, in a thousand years, all I will have is that moment to be happy, that today. If I can't be happy today, then all I've taught myself is how to wait, and for the most part, the wait has been unnecessary.

I've lost sight of today, as I've felt constrained by my lack of visa, and limited options for making money in this country until I get a more permanent visa, or until other factors change. I think to the future time, when these constraints will be lifted, but it's a dangerous situation to get yourself into, waiting for tomorrow, because tomorrow is always in the future.

What I have for sure is today. And I shouldn't have to get cancer, or have some huge change coming to me to realize the value to me of today. The day before I die is not any more valuable than this one, if I value it.

I looked it up, the phrase "there is nothing but today" and it was linked on one part with someone who didn't have a belief in an afterlife, and how for them it meant there was nothing but today, meaning that their life would be lacking something.

None of us has tomorrow. It is ever elusive, as much as the desire for "more" can never be reached. Happiness is not found in more, happiness is not found in tomorrow. Happiness is found in today. Happiness is found in enough.

There is nothing but today is a hopeful phrase to me, because it reminds me that I don't have to wait, that I owe it to myself to value today as much as any, that no day is just any other day. Today is special, simply because it is the only now there is.