Embracing Differences

Deep down inside of all of us, we just want to be loved for who we really are. We want to freedom and acceptance to be ourselves.

I've been reading this book lately on introverts. I've always known I'm an introvert, and I've never had a problem with it, but learning about Andrew and the issues he's had feeling neglected and looked down on for his introverted tendencies, but then also just paying attention to how the world does slant toward extroverts, it's just been making me think.

This song came along at the perfect time, because I've been considering the plight of the homosexuals as well, because they come in a similar ratio to the norm. Most people are hetero, most people are extroverts.

But as big as introversion/extroversion is to your temperament and personality, I still just think it would be so hard, not to be different, to be different in a way that brings such animosity from people. People have so many opinions on how you feel, on how you should feel, on what you should do, on what you deserve.

People may think I'm boring. People may think I am putting my husband in danger by not shaving my legs (for reals), that I just do what I do. But I haven't seen lots of people go into the media saying that what makes me feel loved, and the people I'm attracted to are wrong, and that I'm evil for doing so, and that I don't deserve what other people have.

Why does that happen? It just doesn't seem right to me. I guess I just think that the world puts us out there and creates all this variety, and then our society seems to want to squash that all out of us. We all have to be the same.

There are people out there who are sexually attracted to the Eiffel tower. I just think that is plain cool. How much variety there is in the world! There are so many ways to enjoy this experience we call life. Why is there so much need to put down and make people feel weird for their experiences? Why do we have to leave people out? Why can't we all just embrace the variety and accept people for it?

Facebook isn't all bad

There are lots of things said about social media, and how they disconnect us, and I agree with that, how they can take us away from living in the here and now, with those who are directly around us.

But there are some things that are just freakin' cool about it.

15 minutes ago, I saw this picture on my timeline:

which, shining like a beacon in that light to me was rainbow books. I love rainbows. I love colors, and especially all of them smashed together into beautiful rainbows. I saw that, and was like, I want!

So then after about a 30 second discussion with Andrew, I proceeded to do this to our movies:

Inspiration from over 8000 miles away, instituted in 5 minutes. Loving looking at the movies now!

Now I am seeing these pictures side by side in my timeline. <3 Facebook.

Daily doesn't mean Longlasting

Things that happen every day don't seem like they will ever change. There are those moments that are special, but they don't seem like it, because you feel like there will be another special moment for you the next day. It is also why change comes as such a shock, and it always comes more often than we expect it.

I remember singing in the bathrooms with Carolyn and Micah. Those were really good times. The three of us had great rapport, and we just loved singing together. Soon Carolyn left, and then Nicole came in, and she took her spot, and still the singing went on. I was offered a promotion, and I didn't take it straight away, because I didn't want to lose those times. But Nicole was the second in line for the job, so things were going to change anyway. I took the job.

I remember those 4 months, though. They were special times, but I didn't realise it until I was confronted with losing them. It wasn't like my hike on the Y at 3am with 2 random friends from work. When that happened, I knew that would probably never happen again, and that something amazing had just happened. But those days in the bathroom, cleaning and singing, because they happened every day, I didn't appreciate them as much.

I've been cleaning a lot of toilets this week, alone, and I've sung a bit. It reminded me of those times, and made me miss them.

People used to always give me a bit of a strange look when I'd say I loved working in the bathrooms. But at that time, it was the small group of people in an otherwise solitary work environment.

I guess I'm just acknowledging that sometimes there are things that you don't even think to appreciate at the time that you might later wish you did.

Like I always tried to make the most of my time with my nieces and nephew, and I don't really have regrets in that regard. I loved the time I spent with them, and cherished those moments. I look forward to having more moments with them if I can make it over next year.

I try to cherish my time with Andrew, and I do. He annoyed the hell out of me this morning, but I love that about him too. I was reading this girl's blog about her and her husband, and she was talking about how she kind of made a choice to not get annoyed with him, because she'd lost her first husband (divorce). And I just thought that's not real. To me what is real is that Andrew is the person who has the capacity to annoy me more than anyone else in the world. It's part of the package, and I will take it every day (and do pretty much), because it is a wonderful annoying part of the landscape of being in love with this man.

But one day I will have another Bathroom Crew experience, but next time, I won't ignore it simply because it is a daily occurrence.

The Moments That Define You

I first watched footy (Aussie Rules football) back in 2008. I was astounded that such a sport existed, as it just seemed to combine all the best elements from basketball and football, the two sports I've enjoyed watching the most - the continuous play that you get with basketball, with the monumental occasion when scores happen.

Andrew showed me a game then, and said I should choose a side, though he really wanted me to go for the Crows. They had colors that were closer to rainbow, so I did barrack for them in that game, and I chose them as my team.

Last year, they were horrid, plagued by injury, a coach who had lost the plot, and an overall just loss of belief in themselves. This year, won the pre-season competition, and I believed all year long - maybe they could do it. Then they came out and just were not ready for finals the first week. Just did not even seem to show up to play. Hugely disappointing game, that was. Showed up the next week to see them throw up the same kind of performance for the first quarter or so, and then finally start to hit their straps, and crazy excitement as Tex dragged them back into it, and over the line.

Then today, playing to get into the grand final. Played their hearts out. Watched Dangerfield run for his life, starting out the quarter by earning two times as many possessions as any other player on the ground. And then the game slipped away - they ended up losing by less than one goal.

I watched the players afterwards, saw how shattered they were - because in the end they threw everything at it, and it just didn't fall their way. But this single moment has the power to define this team. It strips it down to what really is most important to them. Is it aching muscles from training? Way back in February? Or will they push themselves again. Or is being in a grand final the most important thing as a club? The moments are defining because they are rare, and when they come along, you finally see with clarity what really matters to you.

It's made me pause a bit, to think about those moments that have defined me. My single biggest moment was when Janardan left me. I'd been manipulated and in a cloud of emotional abuse, and started to actually see my own value again. And it changed everything, because the next conversation we had, I'd planned to tell him he could come back and stay until he figured out what he wanted to do with his life, but I decided to value myself, to stand up for myself, and I told him that if he didn't want a relationship, he wasn't welcome to come back. Then when he didn't file for divorce, I filed for it myself, and began to feel the catharsis of shedding the dead weight in my life, and to symbolically free myself from that which I had let myself be mentally bound by.

I reached a point in this past year, through the unemployment and hardships Andrew and I have been through, a point where I was going to defy the odds, instead of let the odds define me. I set myself a target of applying for 100 jobs a week until I got a job. I got a job within 2 weeks. The funny thing being over the previous year and a half, I had applied for well over 1000 jobs. I'd been defeated, and I decided I wasn't going to be defeated any more. I was just going to make it happen by sheer force of will, whatever it took.

But I always remember Janardan leaving me, because then I knew I had a choice. I'd always thought I would completely crumble if something like that happened, that I would fold, and my life would fall apart. When the moment came, I decided for myself I wasn't going to let that happen. And it spurred the single greatest period of growth in my life, partially because I had been so lacking in the previous 5 years. My life now is not anything I could have even dreamed of right before then. It was my personal renaissance. Born again, in myself.

These are the moments that define us, the tragedy that can fuel us to greater heights. Part of it is looking at yourself and seeing that you are better than that. If you decide you are, then you can be. And that is what I hope the Crows are deciding right now.

The world is magical

A walk down the street

Through the bushes

Across the creek

Down and around the curve of the path

Past the construction site

A stop in a cave

Respite from the sun

A place to rest

On down the hill

Spring flowers all around

Up to a stunning vista

Of graffiti and bullet holes

Walk down and back across

Rock to rock, rock to rock

Find a fiberglass cylinder

Stop to read a story

Sun streaming down on the rocks

Green leaves making green shadows on the walls

A living tree across the water

Climb, and climb, and climb

So high!

Look through the leaves

Sighs and smiles

Climb back down, and back  up a hill

Beautiful fields

What's at the top of that hill?

And that one?

Get to the top and see out to the vast beyond

Blue ocean with sunlight bright on the surface

Turn around and see dark storm clouds against the brightly lit meadows

Walk down

Huge gorge dug away by man

Sit on the edge

Swimming feeling, discomfort

Adrenaline from looking from heights

Throw rocks over

Sailing, sailing, sailing through the air, then

Thud

Nervous energy

Thoughts of falling over

Back away from the edge

Go away from the edge

Look the other direction

Rainbow!

Turn around and around and around

Rainbow right

Rainbow left

Beautiful clouds

Ocean to the back

Rainbow brightens

It starts to rain

I am filled

Such beauty

I overflow with emotion

First tears, lots of tears

So, so beautiful

Then running and sighs

Loud sighs of happiness

Sun is setting

Clouds taking color

Rainbow reappearing

Looking at my love

Happiness in the eyes

Walk home

Hand in hand

The world is magical

Ditching Disposables

I first heard about the Ditch the Disposable challenge back in 2008. I made napkins out of old t-shirts.

It's always been on my mind since then, in one way or another, what things are reusable, or could be reusable that I am throwing away?

Thought it is one that many people don't feel comfortable with, toilet paper was the second thing I worked on ditching the disposables with. Family Cloth is the name I found, and have used for it. It's not my favorite name, but it works.

I basically took terricloth and just zigzagged the edges, got a bucket with a lid, and away I went. For people who don't want to hear about my number 1 and 2 wiping, skip past these stars and onto the next stars.

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The terrycloth is really nice for wiping poo. It just is. I had to use toilet paper the other day, and felt like it was just smearing things all over, instead of actually wiping it off. Family cloth though, is just excellent. Superb.

The terrycloth is a bit less effective for me wiping when I pee. My last ones were better, so I think it must be the kind of terrycloth I have. As you will read below, I am planning on getting some bamboo terrycloth, and I want to make some cloths out of that specifically for urine.

The cloths also work very well for blood when I'm on my period.

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To help with the smell, I will sometimes pour a bit of vinegar in the bottom of my bucket.

Now, my new ambition is to replace paper towels. I never really used them a lot before, but with cats, spills happen a lot more often, and so they are just a lot more necessary.

I saw something on pinterest that was a bit like this, but having had experience with my terrycloth not always being the best at absorption, I wanted to look at other options. What I've settled on is bamboo terrycloth. I got a sample in the mail yesterday, and it feels so nice, and it is supposed to be like 50% more absorbent than cotton. So score on that count too.

My cheapy side says I should just find something cheap and use that, but when I went around the shops, all they had was bright pink terrycloth, and I was like, nah I'd rather get something nice and make it look nice in my kitchen, so my plan for these is to use the bamboo terrycloth and then use food-fabric for the backings for ones that will be kitchen use, and then something else for cleaning/bathroom use. But yeah, so at some point I'll order that stuff and make those.

And just a word out there, because I got a lot of bamboo samples in this pack - bamboo fabric feels amazing. The growth of bamboo is also good for the environment. The process for turning it into fabric is not the most environmentally friendly in general, although it can be - just more research needs to be done on the process for the particular one you're buying, if that is something important to you.

So here's to ditching disposables! I've ditched a few. More to come as time wears on!

No Poo and other "natural" hygiene adventures

I haven't used shampoo since January.

I'd heard about the No Poo movement before, but the person who was doing it had short hair, so I thought it was just more a virtue of having short hair, and that with long hair, it wouldn't really work. (My sister has the same thoughts). I don't remember how I came across this again, but I stumbled upon the blog of a lady who had gone No Poo with long hair. Hmm...this was getting more interesting. So I read a lot, finding out about the transition period (greaseball hair for 2-3 weeks, then your hair will adjust and be beautiful!), and prepped myself to do the experiment...which really involved doing nothing.

Now, before I came over to Australia, I used to use Ouidad products, which are pretty great for curly hair gals. Postage plus really tight money meant no Ouidad for Jennie, and I was madly missing my curls. So voila, curls reappeared straight away with no poo. I think I went about a month before my first baking soda wash. There was a bit of build-up in my hair, and that took it out very nicely. I used a bit of apple cider vinegar wash, and that brought a nice feel to the ends. I heard that the best thing for distributing the hair oil is a boar hair brush, so my mom bought me one and sent it over.

The boar hair brush is really nice, smooths out the hair and makes it look nice and shiny, but it doesn't quite distribute all the sebum, and so I have some buildup, particularly in the back where I can't see as well what is going on. So I've been wondering all along what to do, and then also wanting a wide-toothed comb to brush my hair in the shower, as that is numero uno for keeping your curls nice. Not brushing your hair after it gets wet.

So while I was searching around for some solution to my problem, and also the problem of how to clean out all of this grease out of my brushes (it looks like a buildup of dust - really weird looking, especially since you can't really see it at all in the hair). Well, I came across this method called the wash cloth method, where you basically use a washcloth in a brushing motion in the shower, and it helps distribute a lot of that sebum all throughout the strands.

Ladies and gents, this is the real deal. I have come to the perfect method for dealing with my hair. Now I haven't done this long enough to figure out if I'm still gonna need baking soda, but so far I am high flying with the water only washing. I have a fine-toothed comb, and I go through the hair with that before the shower, then washcloth and wide-toothed comb in the shower, come out, scrunch, and beautiful, lovely curly hair is my reward. If I comb it up into a ponytail or clip to dry, it drys out really nice straight with some body, and I think it'd go nice to go through it with the boar hair brush. Haven't tried it yet, but for sure will.

So yeah, I've been in love with my no poo anyway, but now I am head over heels in love, because this is the best my hair has ever been. Feels amazing, looks amazing, and is super simple. Also my scalp feels amazing. Like, just like nothing.

So this whole concept of no poo got me thinking about other things that seem necessary, and wondering about alternatives to them. Deoderant. I've tried a couple different things for deoderant. Vinegar was alright, but the smell is very strong. Right now I'm using lemon juice, and I really like that. Really like the smell when I put it on. It works for a while, an then starts to wear off, which is fine for me, because I like having a bit of my smell for my husband. Part of what allures us to people after all. I love his smell too, and nasty deoderant isn't a smell I enjoy! But he's not indulging me on that...yet.

The real thing that inspired me today to write this (besides just hopping out of the shower and being overjoyed again with my hair) is that I bought a miswak and tried it for the first time today.

MIS-WHAT? If you google miswak, you'll find a lot of people talking about the prophet Muhammad, which isn't exactly my cup of tea, but if you sift through all that, you'll find some actually pretty cool scientific backing. A miswak is the root of a tree grow typically in the Middle East. When you shave off a bit of the bark and chew on it, it forms into little bristles, which can then be used to brush your teeth, tongue, gently on the gums etc. In a study done comparing typical toothbrush and toothpaste to miswak, miswak performed better, and removed more plaque, and less bacteria in the mouth.

So I bought my first one today at an Afghan Supermarket. Now I know there are environmental impacts involved in importing plants halfway around the world. Ideally eventually if I like how this goes well enough, I'd like to plant my own tree and harvest my own sticks, but that's getting a bit ahead of myself. (Also potentially finding a source that uses ones grown closer to home).

My first impression: this smells weird...really weird. It tastes weird...really weird.

But once I got past that, by which I mean, it just comes out most when I was chewing on it, I really liked it. Like now, I am sitting here and my teeth just feel great. I also love that I don't have to go to the bathroom to do it, so I can have a miswak here on the couch by the TV, and just be casually cleaning my teeth while enjoying my television, without having to walk to the bathroom. I always hate that at night, because I am dead tired and just want to go to bed, so half the time I skip teethbrushing in favor of just slumping over and falling asleep in bed. If I can take care of my teeth while also being lazy, what could be better than that!?

Nah, but the real reason I found the miswak is because I've been brushing my teeth, and it just seems like however long or whatever method I use to brush them, they still don't feel clean, and that the time they feel the cleanest is when I run a cloth over them. So I figured there had to be something better out there for them. Behold the power of google to bring the miswak into my life.

So those are my hygiene adventures. Coming soon (ie as soon as I finish writing it, because I'm gonna write it right now) is a post on my ditching of disposables!