A Peaceful Anxiety

It is funny how peaceful this morning has been, even though I woke up with my mind racing around and stressing over how to arrange my work schedule this summer so I can maximize my hours for the few vacation periods I want off. It is probably what woke me so early, though. I walked downstairs and went to the bathroom, then came back upstairs, no lights on, just reading my book by the natural light of my windows and skylight, the mountains resting outside, and the clouds and bits of snow creating a view out my window.

My book transported me to Virginia, to a 550-acre farm, and he was discussing the grasses feeding the cows, the chickens, the turkeys, the rabbits, and how they all work together, the symbiotic relationships they form. And as I thought about them, my mind traveled to Vernon, UT, where my half a big that I have put a deposit in, is living and eating on pasture, though probably on hay in a barn right now with how cold it is. But Berkshires are hardy and can stand the cold, which is why the Christiansen's use that breed.

When Emily has talked to me about sustainability, I have always had this yearning for self-sufficiency, to be able to grow most of my own food, to provide for myself and my family. And as I read this pastoral vision, this farm that exists, I saw on a large scale what I want to do on a tiny scale with probably just a few acres and a few animals.

It is at the same time an incredibly peaceful thought, and a very exciting one.